Love is… (7th January 2023)
Love seems to have so many different meanings such that I suggest everyone has their own unique beliefs and needs when it comes to who may be their perfect partner.
I’d like to share an aspect of love, or maybe something that is essential for a perfect partner.
It may not sound romantic and I apologise if this sounds almost clinical.
This thing is… Assertiveness without Aggression
I find most people (very much including me) fail, again and again, to be assertive enough.
Failing to be assertive can mean our needs are not met or we are accidentally hurt by friends and even by whomever we love most. Then we, not naturally assertive people may try to correct and unfortunately there can be a thin line between what is perceived as assertive versus aggressive.
In about 1989, I was fortunate to attend a very good course that explained many of the differences between;
- Assertiveness that helps us fulfil our needs without hurting anyone
- Accidentally coming across as aggressive as we battle to express our unmet needs
Attending that course was only the very beginning of a long journey of trial and error, with a lot more error than successful assertiveness! It is all too easy to unconsciously ‘lash out’ with our tongues when things unexpectedly go wrong.
There’s many more expert than me, yet in simple terms it may all be about;
- Pause, breathe, notice what it is the other person (and this could even be the love of your life) is not giving you, in terms of your human needs.
- Think how you can express this clearly and as calmly as you can manage. (Remembering that calm is the most difficult mood to convey when ‘in the heat of the moment’.)
- Then when the time is right, be assertive and attentive to how this is coming across. (Remembering that even perfect assertiveness can be interpreted as aggression ‘in the heat of the moment’.)
Why have I typed this now?
I have found someone very special who does the assertive/not-aggressive thing so very well that my love for her is stronger every day.
Love is a multi-faceted thing and what I talk about above is, for me and perhaps for you, an important or even essential facet.
Please let me know if the above resonates with you or if perhaps you have questions.
Thank you
